"WHY DIDN'T YOU MARRY THE OTHER WOMAN?" -
"Let them know that it is your hand, that you, O Lord, have done
it." Psalm 109:27
I pray the Lord will help me as I take you the long way to get there,
but the bottom line is that I did not marry the other woman because
deep inside I knew that would be wrong. Charlyne and I were divorced,
and the world and the law was saying to go on, but something was
reminding me that I was still married.
"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife
must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must
remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a
husband must not divorce his wife." I Corinthians 7:10-11
I acknowledge that no two situations are the same, and your absent
spouse might be in a totally different arrangement, but most of the
men and women we know AND who have come home have experienced about
what I did.
It does not take a NASA scientist to discover there is something
wrong when I was in another man's home, attempting to make his kids
happy, sitting at his table, eating food bought with his child
support money, watching the television that his labor purchased,
being the joy of his forsaken wife's life--and more. Meanwhile, my
heartbroken wife and our three children were literally struggling to
survive while they prayed that a husband and Daddy would come to his
senses, back to the Lord, and back home where he belonged.
Sadly, most married people who walk out on a spouse have or will
become involved with someone else before they come to their senses.
The natural progression of any continued relationship is toward
marriage. Even though your absent spouse may desire that illicit
arrangement to continue status quo, I can assure you that third
person involved in your marriage is pushing and pushing toward
attempting to legalize the sin of adultery.
Those other people put prodigals under enormous pressure to get
married. A praying spouse, standing with God, is a threat to a
sinful relationship. These other people feel they can gain control
if they are able to pressure the other person into "marrying" them.
There is one big problem; God does not recognize these adulterous
relationships as marriage, and He continues to convict the prodigal
of his wayward ways, regardless of what the records down at the
courthouse are recording.
Prodigals are handed ultimatums by that other person. We can walk
out on a covenant wife without hardly looking back, but tremble when
the counterfeit hands down an "or else" dictate. From personal
experience the church that the other person and I were attending
(yes, prodigals attend church and listen to preachers declare truth
to other people) had a new sanctuary under construction. It was to
be finished by a specific Easter. I was told that we would be
married before that date or our relationship would have ended. I was
also ordered to "get over Charlyne" before that time. How could a
person I had known for only a few months be dictating that I "get
over" a wife of nineteen years?
"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a
day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand
slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish,
but everyone to come to repentance." II Peter 3:8-9
Much of what I went through will not be disclosed, but I feel led to
share one incident that is often on my heart. The other person and
I were finishing dinner at an Italian restaurant when I was paged by
my employer. Back then, cell phones were still tethered inside autos,
so I left my credit card on the table and went searching for a pay
phone. When I returned to the table, my dinner companion handed me
the credit card and a receipt. "I just wanted to see how it will
look," she explained.
I opened the receipt to see "Mrs. Robert E. Steinkamp" signed on it.
I had never before seen that name written in anyone's handwriting
except Charlyne's. It just did not look right. I felt trapped. My
indigestion that night did not come from Italian food, but from the
thought there might soon be a "Mrs. Robert E. Steinkamp" who was not
really "Mrs. Robert E. Steinkamp."
"Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I
said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be
at rest—I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah"
Psalm 55:5-8
Some time later, I hear a quote on the car radio that touched me
deeply. Martyred missionary Jim Elliot was quoted as having said, "A
man is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he
cannot lose." The Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was giving up
Charlyne, who I could not lose, for someone else, a counterfeit wife,
who I could not keep.
Can you see what the Holy Spirit of God was doing, in response to
Charlyne's prayers? He was sending arrow after arrow of His truth to
me, and continued to do so until the bubble of selfishness that
surrounded me was shattered. That is when this prodigal came home.
As a stander, do not feel that your prayers have been unsuccessful,
or that you have failed in marriage restoration if your spouse enters
a non-covenant relationship. You have failed only if you give up. It
is our Lord God's reputation that is on the line, not yours, and He
will do exactly what He promised you, but in His timing and not by
anyone's timetable.
Here are my Five P's to help if you are faced with your mate's non-
covenant marriage:
Pray- Learn how to pray for your spouse who is being forced into
marriage. (My wife knows all about this!)
Proposal- Remember, that other person most likely proposed
marriage, not your mate.
Peace - Get the peace of God that He has your mate in His hand
today, regardless of what words may have been mumbled to someone
else. God is saying you and your beloved are still married.
Purpose - Refocus your purpose in standing. Is it to get even
with the other person and bring your mate home, or is it so that
all involved will come to a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ?
Promise - Reclaim the promises that God has given you and hold
fast to them. God never changes, even when a spouse is
disobedient.
"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my
life." Psalm 119:50
Stand strong with Jesus,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.®
it." Psalm 109:27
I pray the Lord will help me as I take you the long way to get there,
but the bottom line is that I did not marry the other woman because
deep inside I knew that would be wrong. Charlyne and I were divorced,
and the world and the law was saying to go on, but something was
reminding me that I was still married.
"To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife
must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must
remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a
husband must not divorce his wife." I Corinthians 7:10-11
I acknowledge that no two situations are the same, and your absent
spouse might be in a totally different arrangement, but most of the
men and women we know AND who have come home have experienced about
what I did.
It does not take a NASA scientist to discover there is something
wrong when I was in another man's home, attempting to make his kids
happy, sitting at his table, eating food bought with his child
support money, watching the television that his labor purchased,
being the joy of his forsaken wife's life--and more. Meanwhile, my
heartbroken wife and our three children were literally struggling to
survive while they prayed that a husband and Daddy would come to his
senses, back to the Lord, and back home where he belonged.
Sadly, most married people who walk out on a spouse have or will
become involved with someone else before they come to their senses.
The natural progression of any continued relationship is toward
marriage. Even though your absent spouse may desire that illicit
arrangement to continue status quo, I can assure you that third
person involved in your marriage is pushing and pushing toward
attempting to legalize the sin of adultery.
Those other people put prodigals under enormous pressure to get
married. A praying spouse, standing with God, is a threat to a
sinful relationship. These other people feel they can gain control
if they are able to pressure the other person into "marrying" them.
There is one big problem; God does not recognize these adulterous
relationships as marriage, and He continues to convict the prodigal
of his wayward ways, regardless of what the records down at the
courthouse are recording.
Prodigals are handed ultimatums by that other person. We can walk
out on a covenant wife without hardly looking back, but tremble when
the counterfeit hands down an "or else" dictate. From personal
experience the church that the other person and I were attending
(yes, prodigals attend church and listen to preachers declare truth
to other people) had a new sanctuary under construction. It was to
be finished by a specific Easter. I was told that we would be
married before that date or our relationship would have ended. I was
also ordered to "get over Charlyne" before that time. How could a
person I had known for only a few months be dictating that I "get
over" a wife of nineteen years?
"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a
day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand
slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish,
but everyone to come to repentance." II Peter 3:8-9
Much of what I went through will not be disclosed, but I feel led to
share one incident that is often on my heart. The other person and
I were finishing dinner at an Italian restaurant when I was paged by
my employer. Back then, cell phones were still tethered inside autos,
so I left my credit card on the table and went searching for a pay
phone. When I returned to the table, my dinner companion handed me
the credit card and a receipt. "I just wanted to see how it will
look," she explained.
I opened the receipt to see "Mrs. Robert E. Steinkamp" signed on it.
I had never before seen that name written in anyone's handwriting
except Charlyne's. It just did not look right. I felt trapped. My
indigestion that night did not come from Italian food, but from the
thought there might soon be a "Mrs. Robert E. Steinkamp" who was not
really "Mrs. Robert E. Steinkamp."
"Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I
said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be
at rest—I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah"
Psalm 55:5-8
Some time later, I hear a quote on the car radio that touched me
deeply. Martyred missionary Jim Elliot was quoted as having said, "A
man is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he
cannot lose." The Holy Spirit revealed to me that I was giving up
Charlyne, who I could not lose, for someone else, a counterfeit wife,
who I could not keep.
Can you see what the Holy Spirit of God was doing, in response to
Charlyne's prayers? He was sending arrow after arrow of His truth to
me, and continued to do so until the bubble of selfishness that
surrounded me was shattered. That is when this prodigal came home.
As a stander, do not feel that your prayers have been unsuccessful,
or that you have failed in marriage restoration if your spouse enters
a non-covenant relationship. You have failed only if you give up. It
is our Lord God's reputation that is on the line, not yours, and He
will do exactly what He promised you, but in His timing and not by
anyone's timetable.
Here are my Five P's to help if you are faced with your mate's non-
covenant marriage:
Pray- Learn how to pray for your spouse who is being forced into
marriage. (My wife knows all about this!)
Proposal- Remember, that other person most likely proposed
marriage, not your mate.
Peace - Get the peace of God that He has your mate in His hand
today, regardless of what words may have been mumbled to someone
else. God is saying you and your beloved are still married.
Purpose - Refocus your purpose in standing. Is it to get even
with the other person and bring your mate home, or is it so that
all involved will come to a personal relationship with Jesus
Christ?
Promise - Reclaim the promises that God has given you and hold
fast to them. God never changes, even when a spouse is
disobedient.
"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my
life." Psalm 119:50
Stand strong with Jesus,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.®
posted by TIUranta at 6:29 AM
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